Kay’s* story: told in her own words at Day One’s Annual Celebration 2009
Kay is a 17-year-old young woman who is a committed resident of Long Creek Youth Development Center. Kay has worked very hard in all areas of her treatment and recently celebrated 1 year of sobriety. She is sharing her story because she knows from her own experience that this will help others.
Hello my name is Kay!
For you to fully understand my life I’ll start by talking about my up bringing. I don’t really remember growing up at home much. I was in and out of placements, hospitals, jail and so on. My mom is an alcoholic and addict, and my dad was an alcoholic. The drugs and alcohol were never in the home or around me when I was young. No one ever really talked to me about drugs or alcohol. I wish someone would have because it probably would have positively influenced me at that young age. I started using drugs at age 12. I hung around with kids 16, 17, and 18 they were drinking, smoking pot, popping pills and smoking cigarettes. I started doing the same things because I wanted to fit in and be cool. That is were my drug use started and from there it began to increase, by age 13 I was doing harder drugs. I was hanging out with "the bad crowd". I didn’t have any rules to follow or discipline when I made bad choices. I was lying and stealing to support my habits and I dropped out of school. Before I started using I regularly attended school. I was confident with myself and was a good kid for the most part. But obviously that changed overtime. Back then I thought I was tough and I had the typical teenage "I don’t care" attitude. I had that "I can do what I want" attitude for a long time. Then I finally got in trouble with the law, it’s surprising it didn’t happen sooner. A lot of bad things happened and people around me were getting busted and going to jail. The level of my involvement in the drug scene had increased from just using. There were many nights I blacked out and couldn’t remember what happened the next day when I woke up. I would lose my personal possessions; I was very angry and destructive. I was doing drugs for not only weeks but months straight. I didn’t know who I was and hated who I thought I was. I was angry and when I used, that anger got worse, and it became out of control. I was a very sick person who had a disease but didn’t know it yet.
I first got in trouble for driving under the influence and without a license. I didn’t go to jail - they sent me home with a court date. I went to court and they gave me a slap on the wrist. 35 Hours of community service, my license reinstatement fee, and I could still get my license when I turned 16. I didn’t do my community service or pay my fee because I was too busy getting high.
I got away with way more than I should have. At one point I crashed my grandmother’s truck after I had been drinking, lucky for me she didn’t call the cops. I always fell into peer pressure. I had a lot of opportunities: I applied for jobs and never followed through; I started Drivers Ed and quit, took life guarding courses and failed - all because I was using drugs. I got into fights, had guns pulled on me, got robbed and got raped. All of these unfortunate incidents happened over drugs or when I was high on drugs. You think I would have learned from these hard lessons but it took several years for me to figure out I had problem.
When I was young I was given a lot of chances. I went to Long Creek. I was in and out of the juvenile detention facility 8 times before I finally got committed until age 18. All of my charges were from my anger getting out of hand, me being under the influence or committing crimes while I was under the influence. A few people I knew died due to drugs use and it was all too much for me to handle. I couldn’t take the pain anymore so I decided I had to do something or I’d end up dead or in prison.
So I quit drugs cold turkey, went to AA, dropped my boyfriend, sobered up for 3 months but then relapsed. I relapsed because I kept my old friends who I eventually found out weren’t friends - they were just drug using acquaintances. The first time I relapsed was due to my environment, family issues, stress, and me not having enough support. I was weak and it didn’t take much to take me down. I remember the relapse well. I remember sitting on the floor in my room staring at the bottle and hesitating to drink it and after about 15 minutes I caved and drank. I felt so awful when it was over I started using all over again.
I sobered up again for 6 months this time. I got really impatient and was not seeing any changes. I had forgotten how bad things were before. Anytime things went wrong or I felt stressed I would run right back to drugs and alcohol. I needed serious help. I was really sick. So I tried to pick myself back up and decided to try Outpatient Rehab. The women told me I was a late stage drug addict and if I didn’t stop I would be dead before the age of 21. Ultimately I needed a long term rehab. I didn’t want to go. I wanted instant gratification.
The stuff I have told you isn’t even half of what my life was like. Everything that happened made me feel a lot of different ways. I hated myself, I felt hopeless like I could never change. I was angry at myself and the world. I had zero confidence. I felt guilty for all the bad things I had done and all the people I hurt along the way. That person is not who I wanted to be. I came back to Long Creek as a shock sentence for 2 weeks. If I made it through the 2 weeks the court was going to drop all of my juvenile charges. But I was doing drugs before I came and I didn’t want to be sick and go through withdrawals so I brought pills into the facility with me. I ended up picking up a trafficking in prison contraband charge. I finally realized I needed to change.
I got out of Long Creek and went to rehab. I got kicked out, went back to Long Creek, got out again to go to another treatment program. I stayed sober the whole time but I got kicked out of the program because of my anger issues and poor choices I made while I was there. I got committed to Long Creek. While I’ve been here I have changed a lot and I am not the person I was before. I am still working my way to becoming the person I want to be.
While I have been at Long Creek I have been blessed with many opportunities like: getting my GED, meeting with my psychologist 2 times a week, and Day One substance abuse counseling. I have learned about who I am, relapse and recovery, my personal triggers, and I have completed a relapse prevention plan that fits my needs. I would not have been able to do this with out all of the support and treatment my team at Long Creek provides me.
I’m honestly glad that I got committed to Long Creek because it saved my life. Currently I am level 3 phase 3 which means I can go off grounds on staff outings. I can go on home visits as part of my community reintegration plan and I can finally start to look for a job. For the most part I am confident and happy. I can’t wait to get back into the community and live my life the right way. I have remained sober throughout this time not because I am forced to but because I want to! That makes me feel good about myself and about the program I have completed. I have been sober for 1 year 1 month and 11 days today. My goals are to get out, get into an independent living program, get an apartment, go to AA/NA meetings, continue counseling, graduate with my GED, get a job, give back to the community, get my drivers license, go to college, follow my dreams, most importantly to remain sober, and never give up on myself.
Now I am almost 18 and I can’t go back and be a kid again - I am almost an adult now. I’m scared to death of life and what the world will bring. But I made it through all of this and I think I’ll be ok as long as I stay sober.
Thank you all very much for listening to my story.
*Name has been changed